A friend of mine told me recently that a friend of hers had said to her that, because she is choosing to eat more healthfully, she is "no fun". It really bothered me. I don't mean I thought "well, that's rude" or "how annoying". I mean, it pissed me off. Yep, that's right. I was downright angry that someone had made that comment to her.
So here's the thing. Every person needs to make his or her own choices. If one chooses to eat healthfully, that has absolutely no bearing on whether he or she is fun. People who choose to eat differently than that person have no right to claim that their way is "more fun" and that therefore the person trying to eat healthfully is not fun. If it's more fun for them to eat however they want to eat, then they should do so, regardless of how other people choose to eat. If choosing to eat less-than-healthfully (large portions, dessert, whatever...) while the people in your company are not doing the same thing makes you feel guilty, then that's your issue and you need to get over it. It's not okay for you to try to transfer your guilt to the other person by telling him/her that they are "no fun".
I have experienced this myself many times, and before I had the level of self-worth that I do now, I let other peoples' opinions affect my motivation, and as a result I stayed heavy and unhealthy for much longer than I should have. No, I'm not blaming those people. Only I make the choices about what I put in my body and whether I exercise. Nobody held me down and forced me to eat anything, or tied me up and prevented me from working out. But the influence of friends and family is a powerful, complex thing. So if you have a friend or family member who is working to change his or her life or meet a goal (whatever that goal is...it doesn't have to be health/fitness related), use your influence to encourage and support them...not to make them wonder whether they are "fun". Whatever the heck that even means.
Okay, end rant. :)
Perhaps the other person meant that because of her change in attitude toward eating, her company is no longer enjoyable. Many folks gain comfort and fellowship from eating and the act of sharing and enjoying mutually appreciated foods and if your friend is no longer engaging in this in the same way, her friend may be lamenting the loss of that bond.
ReplyDeleteAnother thought is that some people tend to take a perceived "higher road" when it comes to nutrition, especially when it's a change from previous behavior and that can come across to others as being a bit "holier-than-thou."
I obviously don't know either person, so these are just my thoughts based on your rant.
I would also posit that this third party also has the right to feel that way without being judged, just as your friend has the right to change her eating behavior without being made to feel bad. If her self esteem (and yours) were as good as you asserted, then that really shouldn't be an issue, or a cause for concern.
You make some really good points, especially the one about the third party having the right to feel that way without being judged. Of course everyone has the right to feel whatever it is he or she is feeling. There are times, however, when those feelings may be best kept inside our heads rather than shared out loud. I think that was really my frustration...that, and the fact that the way the person's feedback was phrased was so negative. ("You're no fun" sure is different than "I miss the previous comfort I got from our shared enjoyment of food".)
ReplyDeleteAnd my self esteem still isn't good, although I can see how my sentence implied that I thought it was. More accurately I meant that it's better than it was previously...but I still have a long way to go on that front.